In the Vice-Principal's office, Lightsman, Lyn, the Doctor, and a young man are crowded around a laptop on Lyn's desk. None of them are paying any attention to anything going on outside.
Vice Principal We don't have anyone named Ila Skywalker employed here. Are you sure that…
Lightsman Abnormal energy was coming from underground, there's no doubt about that. Skywalker probably used a pseudonym, we'll find out who she was when someone inexplicably doesn't show up for work today. What did she look like, Doctor?
Doctor Who Long hair is all I remember, couldn't make out the color very well in that lighting.
Lightsman Well it's good to have you on our staff.
Vice Principal Sure that this won't…
Lightsman This isn't some strange anime school where we train kids to fight monsters, and I won't allow it moving in that direction, rest assured Lyn. I want this mess cleared up and I want it cleaned up ASAP.
Doctor Who But you have a secret too, don't you Lightsman?
Lightsman Everyone has secrets, but at least mine are cleared by the FBI.
Lightsman sighs.
Lightsman And I've got a feeling no one would even care at this point, with all the chaos–
Doctor Who Really, because a good number of them are into fantasy.
Lightsman It's not fantasy if it's standing right in front of your face.
Vice Principal It's a point that they keep on being driven home to us, that's for sure.
Lightsman Look, I have to go the restroom. Lyn, if any of the staff reveal that they're demons from another dimension, just fire them.
Benjy sits down at the foot of the window, and turns the crank to open it.
Benjy And there goes the morning.
Outside his window, several students are preparing a stage for the candidates, a group of 25 or so students, in a large variety of different outfits. Some chose the professional route, while others wore their day clothes. Two girls and one boy are in bikinis.
Benjy Out of four-hundred and sixteen students, it looks like we have a score of candidates. That's…
Benjy hesitates as he mulls the numbers over.
Benjy …five percent of the school? Sounds about right.
Benjy pulls out his laptop, and plugs in the charger, then situates himself so he has the best view of the candidates, while Chikorita and Pixielite are content to sunbathe behind him. Down below, Mr. Dallas moves to introduce the candidates, and QST.camera shifts to the stage.
Dallas Testing, one, two…
Mr. Dallas's microphone makes a horrible screeching sound.
Dallas Sorry about that. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I'd like to welcome you to Realie's first um… I think this is actually the first debate we've ever had.
Lyn walks up to Mr. Dallas.
Lyn We don't have time for any real debating, just enough time for them to state their positions and maybe answer a few questions.
Dallas Um, okay. I stand corrected. First we have Jimmy–
A semi-sloppily-dressed boy taps Mr. Dallas on the shoulder, then comes up to the microphone, and putting his mouth right next to it:
Boy → Jimmy It's *Saint* Jimmy.
Dallas I'll let you introduce yourself then.
Jimmy My fellow students, allow me to ask you about expectations. We live in a full of expectations. Expectations run our daily lives, they dictate what we do, and how we do it. So let me get right to the point. Over the last few years the expectations at this school have been on a rise, from academics to behavior… And. That. Is. Not. Okay.
Jimmy pounds his fist on the booth.
Jimmy As your elected leader, me and the Expectations are too Darn High Party will fight these new expectations and return Realie back to the good old days of bean bag chairs in classrooms. Any questions?
M3LL raises her hand and Jimmy calls on her.
M3LL You know that most of these expectations you're talking about are set by the board of education in Sacramento, right? We have no control over it.
Jimmy Then we will take the fight all the way to Sacramento! No more thought control! Cops off campus! Everybody…
Dallas That's enough, moving on, we have Tom Richman who–
A boy of seventeen or eighteen cuts Mr. Dallas off and takes to the microphone.
Boy → Tom I'm Tom Richman, and when I look around this school, there's one thing that strikes me very wrong. Everywhere I look, there's a distinctive lack of <product1>. Everyone knows that you can't have a school without <product1>.
In the crowd, Lana turns to Alexandra while Tom continues to talk and whispers:
Lana The lobbyists really got to him… Whisper
Alexandra He needs to be more subtle. Whisper
Tom So I ask you, my fellow students, are we ready for the success <product1> will bring into your lives? If so, vote for me for student council president.
Tom starts to leave the podium, but WG raises his hand, so Mr. Dallas stops him gently.
Dallas Tom, you've got a question on the left.
Tom looks over and points to WG's hand.
Tom Yes?
WG How much did they pay you to say that?
Tom gives WG a deer-in-the-headlight's look.
Tom I don't know what you're talking about?
WG How much money did you receive from the <product1> company?
Tom I still don't quite understand.
Dallas Tom, how much did you receive to run your campaign? This is important.
Tom I– I can't remember. Let's take this discussion off-line, okay?
With this, Tom slips away into the crowd.
Dallas I'll have to follow up with him on that.
Alexandra Why would anyone sponsor a school election? Whisper
Lana They're not paying enough in taxes… Whisper
QST.camera shifts back to Benjy in his office, listening through his open window.
Benjy Wow… That was like textbook style. I guess he's the real deal, Michelle's going to have to pull some serious strings to compete with that.
Dallas And now we Danielle Trish.
This is a parody of Donald Trump
Mr. Dallas steps aside to let a 16 year old girl take his place.
Danielle Wow, this is some group of people. So nice, thank you very much. That's really nice. Thank you. It's great to be here at Realie Academy. It's great to be in a wonderful school, this is. And it's an honor to have everybody here.
Danielle Our school is in serious trouble. We don't have success anymore. We used to have success, but we don't have it.
Danielle When the public schools send us their kids, they aren't sending us the best and the brightest. They're sending the problem students, you know, druggies, delinquents, and some I assume are good people.
Danielle So I'm here to make Realie great again. I'm smart. I'm really, really smart, so I can do this. Currently, Realie here has gone to the dogs, but if you elect me student council chair we will make this school great again. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Danielle backs up from the microphone.
Dallas Danielle, question in the back.
Danielle looks at hand.
Danielle Yes.
Katie What exactly will you do to make Realie great again?
Danielle We'll start by building a wall to keep–
Dallas Sorry, for the sake of time, we're going to have to cut you off. Next we have Kim–
A girl in ordinary school clothing darts to the microphone, forcing Mr. Dallas to jump aside.
Girl → Kim You know what would be really fun? Tea parties at school! You know like in Alice in Wonderland, but here in real life!!
Kim jumps up and down as she says this.
Kim If you elect me, we can have tea parties! We can play house! We can–
QST.camera zooms back to Benjy.
Benjy And now she's alienated almost all of the boys. Looks like it's going to be a long morning.
As Benjy watches, Mr. Dallas introduces another girl who reads a poem of hers aloud.
Girl Once upon a time there was a school where people were unhappy…
Benjy opens his door to see Alex standing outside. Benjy props the door open then recalls Chikorita.
Alex That was just horrible.
Benjy That's why I made myself scarce.
Pixielite flies out of Benjy's office, as Benjy leaves his office and walks down the hall with Alex.
Benjy Complete waste of a morning.
Alex That's two hours I want back. I wish Sid would learn to stop picking his nose. It's like he's digging for treasure.
Yami Benjy projects himself:
Yami Benjy At least it was just his nose this time.
Alex bursts out laughing. With Pixielite flying behind them, Benjy and Alex climb up the stairs to the next floor where a long line of students is stretched through the hallway. One of the teachers walks down the line, inspecting the students.
Teacher → Starf Everyone, IDs out and ready!
Alex IDs?
Starf IDs out and ready!
More students arrive behind Benjy and Alex as they pull out their student IDs, while Starf kicks two students out of the line for not having IDs. The line slowly moves forwards any Benjy and Alex move from a 4-foot-wide hallway to an 8-foot-wide one. Starf now reaches Benjy.
Starf ID?
Benjy and Alex hurriedly show Starf their student ID.
Starf That won't do. I need a Drivers License or State ID.
Alex What?
Starf Show me your Drivers License or State ID or get out of the line.
Alex I don't have–
Starf Off to class then.
Alex doesn't leave the line, and Starf turns to Benjy.
Starf What about you?
Benjy Huh?
Starf A Drivers License or California State ID is required to vote.
Alex They didn't send anything home about–
Starf Do you have one?
Benjy Go away.
Starf If you don't have ID, get out of the line before you cause a scene!
As Starf says this, the students that were kicked out of the line sneak back into the line. Starf is too preoccupied with Benjy to notice.
Benjy Your breath stinks.
Alex nods slightly. Starf now says the following line while repeatedly stomping his foot.
Starf A Drivers License or California State ID is required to vote. No exceptions. Out of the line!
Benjy continues to ignore Starf.
Starf I'll just take this then.
Before Benjy can react, Starf grabs Shroomish's ball out of Benjy's pants pocket.
Starf If you want this back, then–
Starf accidentally touches the button on Shroomish's ball and Shroomish emerges in his hands, and Starf steps away from Benjy.
Starf If you want your pokémon back, then you'll need to–
As Starf turns, he neglects to be aware of where his hand is, such that it passes right in front of Shroomish. Shroomish responds by biting Starf (in an Azumanga-esque animation); and a look of sheer horror appears on Starf's face, as he tries to fling Shroomish off of his hand.
Starf *screams* WHAT THE (bleep)! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
Despite Starf's frantic waving and flailing, the mushroom pokémon refuses to let go
Alex I thought Shroomish can't learn bite…
Benjy Well it has to be able to eat somehow…
Max's voice comes from somewhere behind Benjy:
Max Think he'll be poisoned, paralyzed, or put to sleep?
Max flinches, as suddenly something appears to click in his head.
Max Since when do you have a Shroomish?!
Benjy You mean–
Max Hey, isn't that Ila's Shroomish?!
The Millennium Gameboy Advance glows slightly.
Yami Benjy Not anymore.
Starf GET IT OFF!!!
Starf's screaming and flailing has now gotten the vice principal's attention, and she comes running down the hallway from the main hallway.
Starf GET IT OFF!!! Other
The vice principal approaches Starf, and tickles Shroomish slightly.
Lyn Oochi oochi oo!
Shroomish flinches and lets go of Starf's badly bleeding hand, falling into Lyn's arms. Lyn then hands Shroomish back to Yami Benjy.
Starf Now suspend him!!!
Lyn bends over and whispers in Starf's ear, but still loud enough for Benjy to hear:
Lyn Thanks for telling me how to do my job. Whisper Sarcasm
Starf Your welcome, now could you hurry it up and– Whisper
Lyn That was sarcasm. Whisper
Lyn Benjy, can we talk later?
Benjy nods.
Lyn Adam, I'll watch them. You go get that disinfected.
Starf I'm a man. I can handle it.
Reference to Darwin Award Nominee Quote
The line has now moved far enough forwards that Benjy and Alex are far away from Starf.
Starf Someone has to watch for shenanigans.
Lyn Adam, either you go to the nurse's office, or I'm calling an ambulance.
Starf curses under his breath, before addressing the students.
Starf Well I'm counting votes so it won't make a difference anyway! Other
Starf now walks off towards the main hall, dripping blood everywhere.
Lyn And that's someone else who I need to add to the psychiatric watch list.
As Starf walks away, Benjy and Alex are able to cast their ballots.
Yami Benjy stands in the hallway on the third floor, looking down at the courtyard. Footsteps are heard behind Yami Benjy, and he turns around.
Yami Benjy Katie!
Katie Hi, this is your other self, right?
Caton comes running up from behind Katie.
Caton Benjy! I heard that Starf was going to void your vote. You better go stop him!
Benjy And how is he supposed to know which ballot is mine?
Katie Yeah, Caton, we weren't supposed to put our names on them.
Caton Oops.
Katie Hold on, I thought Dallas was counting them.
Caton I told you, something's fishy!
Benjy It's called an empty threat. Just like everything else that's come out of Starf's mouth.
Caton Like his head?
Benjy You're getting it. Never follows through with anything.
Yami Benjy Just like your mom.
The Millennium Gameboy Advance glows slightly.
Benjy True, but uncalled for.
Benjy begins to walk off down the hallway. Katie calls after him:
Katie Where are you going?
Benjy Newsroom. Isabelle re-installed the camera where they're going to be counting votes.
Caton But I thought that he can't tell which one was yours.
Benjy Lightsman asked me to watch him.
Katie You of all people? Why?!
Benjy I don't know...
Caton Can we come too?
Benjy Sure. I guess...