↳ Import QST.Lyrical
QST.Lyrical define template as $C01 {
<Lyrics(text = green, style = italics)> … </Lyrics>
<Events> … </Events>
}
New Scene()
Ash and company are walking through a forest, and the sun is setting.
Narrator: Rapidly approaching Petalburg City Ash and company prepare to rest. However they seem to have some unexpected, unidentified flying company.
May: Ash? We can’t travel any farther tonight.
Ash: Don’t you want to get to Petalburg tonight?
Brock: It’s going to be too dark to see.
Ciri: And I’m half asleep already…
Ash, realizing the argument is lost, agrees to set up camp for the night. Sleeping bags are set up, and Ciri lets her pokémon out (Flygon and an Azumarill), curling up with them. As they set up, a loud zooming noise causes May to stop and look up.
May: What’s that?
The noise is heard again, twice.
Yami Benjy: I can’t get a lock on it.
Ash: Up there–
As Ash points…
[Screen turns white]
New Scene(Iceberg)
Ash and company begin to come to their senses on a frozen iceberg. They look around, but Ciri is not with them.
Yami Benjy: What the…
Max: What happened?
Ash: I feel as if I slept for a light-year… Whoa!
Ash stares at his surroundings in shock.
Benjy: You probably did.
May: Ciri?!
Ash and company look around, but Ciri is nowhere to be found.
May: CIRI!!!
Yami Benjy: Whatever brought us here probably missed her. She’s probably–excuse me–almost certainly safe and sound back home.
May starts to cry, but Benjy informs her about what Yami Benjy said.
Max: Open your eyes.
Brock opens his eyes and looks around.
Brock: What happened?!?!
Benjy: I don’t know. But unless it’s your way of keeping warm, getting yourself all worked up isn’t doing any good.
Ash now looks up, and points out a five-pointed star overhead, high in the sky.
Benjy: Interesting…
May begins to cry, and Max puts his arm around her. Benjy continues to stare at the landscape, and suddenly his eyes start glowing. Max notices this, and backs up carefully, pointing this out.
Brock: Is that good?
Flashback() { Space breaks on planet Earth }
Ash: Um… Probably not.
New Scene()
Ash and company walk through snow fields, using the intensity of the light emitted from Benjy’s eyes to guide them.
May: So if your eyes glow where space is the most unstable, then where your eyes glow the brightest…
Brock: They’re glowing pretty brightly now…
Ash: That means the probability of getting home should be pretty high…
Max: Speaking of probability, what’s the probability of finding that?
As Max points, it begins to snow lightly. In the distance is a brown house, which Ash and company slowly begin to approach.
Refresh Scene()
The house looks like it is entirely made of gingerbread and candy. May approaches the door and knocks, but no one answers.
Brock: I wonder, should we just go inside?
Benjy: No, there’s no telling what’s inside.
May: You’re eyes are really shining!
Ash: Does that mean that…
Benjy: I don’t–
The door swings wide open, cutting Benjy off.
QST.camera splits the scene showing the shocked look of everyones’ faces.
Santa Claus: Well hello there!
May: Who are you?
Santa Claus: I’m Santa Claus.
QST.camera zooms in on Benjy, who stares in disbelief.
Benjy: How are you still alive, I thought you lived in the third century C.E.
Santa Claus smiles down at Benjy.
Santa Claus: What can I say, I’ve lived a long time.
Benjy: Loading…
Ash: Benjy, we’ve met him before…
Max: But it doesn’t mean this man is…
Santa Claus: Oh, but it does.
Brock: Call me a skeptic, but do you have ID or anything?
Santa Claus: I pre-date the DMV, so you’re going to have to accept me on faith, little one.
Benjy: That’s very suspicious…
Santa Claus: If I were you, I’d be suspicious of anything this holiday season.
Santa smiles down at Benjy.
Benjy: Is that a threat?
Santa Claus: Who cares. The important thing is that…
Benjy: Is what?
QST.camera synchronizes with Benjy’s field of vision. Benjy turns around and scans Ash, May, Max, and Brock nervously, whom are all wearing glazed expressions.
Santa Claus: Everyone!
Benjy quickly turns back to face Santa Claus.
Santa Claus: We must shun the non-believer!
Ash, May, Max, and Brock slowly obtain a glazed expression.
Ash/May/Max/Brock: Shun the non-believer. (Hypnotized tone)
Ash, May, Max, and Brock now all turn their backs towards Benjy.
Ash/May/Max/Brock: Shun the non-believer. Shun the non-believer. Shun the non-believer. (Hypnotized tone)
Benjy: …
Santa Claus: All come now shun the non-believer!
Elves, looking more like Lord of the Rings Elves than stereotypical Santa’s Workshop elves, come to the door of Santa’s workshop.
Elves: Shun the non-believer. Shun the non-believer.
Santa taps his cane.
Yami Benjy: I feel a song coming on, and not in a good way–
♫ Santa Claus: All come now shun the non-believer! (x3) ♪
♫ All come now shun the, shun the, shun the non-believer! Everyone! ♪
♫ Santa+Elves+Mind_Controlled: All come now shun the non-believer! (x3) ♪
♫ All come now shun the, shun the, shun the non-believer! ♪
QST.camera desynchronizes with Benjy’s field of vision, as he (Benjy) stares at the jingle, looking almost hypnotized.
Benjy: I can shun you too…
Benjy turns his back towards Santa, and the camera turns away from Santa. While the camera is turned, everyone enters the workshop and Santa slams the door. Benjy turns back around at the sound of the noise.
Santa Claus: This is what happens to those naught little kids who shun me out of their lives. Take note little ones.
Giggling rings through the door. Snow slowly starts to fall on Benjy’s shoulders.
Santa Claus: This is what happens to disobedient little children.
Benjy stares at the door seething in anger. His sweat melts some of the snow that has fallen on him, but now the blizzard is picking up. Benjy cringes as a piece of ice strikes him.
Benjy: Watch your mouth.
Santa Claus: I’d recommend that to you. If you’re going to insist upon digging yourself into a deeper hole, let your pokémon out so they don’t freeze with you.
Benjy: What the zark do you want with us?!
Santa Claus: I’m giving you ten seconds to do as I say. Ten, nine…
New Scene()
Inside Santa’s workshop, Ash, May, Max, Brock, and Santa stand around Santa’s door.
Santa Claus: …eight, seven, six, five, four, three… I don’t hear pokémon being let out!
Santa opens the door wide, but Benjy is no longer standing in front of the door.
Santa Claus: Where did he go…?
New Scene()
Benjy is walking into the blizzard with a path as shown in the diagram below. His anger melts away much of the snow, keeping him fairly warm. In the diagram belowm the box is the front of Santa’s workshop. The curving line represents the path that Benjy travels (he is intentionally traveling in a u-shape)
<Diagram>
</Diagram>
Yami Benjy: Benjy?! What’s going on?!
Benjy: I don’t know.
Yami Benjy: I’m betting he’s the one who brought us here. We need to–
Benjy: There’s no definitive evidence of that.
Benjy travels the path shown above, only minimally affected by the hailstorm. During this time, Benjy narrowly avoids being struck by a large chunk of ice about eight inches in diameter. As Benjy passes by the side of Santa’s workshop, the blizzard hides him from the view of the workshop. After trekking a short ways, Benjy sees a fence (extending from the diagonal line extending from the square in the diagram) and stops to examine it.
Yami Benjy: I wonder what’s on the other side…
Benjy: It’s electrified…
Benjy takes a step forwards, and bonks his toe on something hard. Looking down, he uses his foot to scrape the snow off of it… And stumbles back upon seeing that it’s a metal box of some kind in the ground.
Benjy: Something’s not right though, what would Santa Claus want with an electric fence?
Yami Benjy: I don’t know anything about this "Santa Claus," but maybe to keep thieves out?
Benjy: Except this looks like it’s designed to keep something in…
Benjy starts to say something but winds up coughing on smog instead. The blizzard is now picking up, and Yami Benjy attempts to create a shield, but for some reason the shield is unable to activate.
Yami Benjy: What’s going on? Should we have–
Benjy: I’ll handle it. First thing is to take out that fence.
Benjy calls on Satolite to use thunderbolt on the fence.
Yami Benjy: What are you doing that for?
Benjy: Trying to short it out.
Satolite now uses thunderbolt, but nothing happens, other than the metal box in the ground sparks. Benjy now requests that Satolite use thunderbolt on the metal box. Satolite does, and the metal box sparks violently, melting some of the snow around it. Benjy packs some snow into a snowball and throws it at the fence. The fence is now so hot that the snowball melts on contact.
Benjy: Perfect. One more thunderbolt!
Yami Benjy: What are you trying to do?
The fence now sparks violently enough for both Benjy and Satolite to back up several feet, the heat is now radiating everywhere.
Benjy: And I’m guessing that there’s no automatic shutoff either. Perfect. Keeping warm won’t be so much of a challenge after all.
Without instruction, Satolite blasts another couple thunderbolts at the fence, further making it spark.
New Scene()
Santa Claus is leading the rest of Ash and company through his workshop, pointing out various sites. Brock asks Santa why he brought them to his workshop, but Santa sidesteps the question. Suddenly the lights flicker and go out, except for one that explodes.
Ash: A power surge?!
Santa assures him that it’s nothing, and excuses himself to contact the elf that’s supposed to be in charge of that. As soon as Ash and company are out of earshot, Santa picks up the phone.
Santa: Operator!
Operator: What…?
Santa: Power surge in sector C. Tell the elf in charge to of the power grid to get it fixed immediately. If it’s not fixed in ten minutes, no pay for the rest of the week!
Santa listens as the operator whines about not having enough food to feed his family.
Santa: Blah blah blah. I’ve got guests and a reputation to maintain. I can’t be having faulty power. Now get on it, the timer’s ticking.
With that, Santa hangs up the phone.
Revert Scene()
As Benjy warms himself by the sparking fence, the fence’s supports begin to melt, and the fence starts to lean. Benjy sees this, and begins backing up. But he’s not fast enough to get out of the way on his own. Fortunately, Satolite pulls him out of the way with a tractor beam as the part of the fence comes crashing down to where it sparks in the snow. Satolite makes a coo-ing noise, while Benjy shakes himself off after his brush with death.
Panting, Benjy looks up at what was on the other side of the fence. The camera slowly covers what he sees. On the other side of the fence is a filthy industrial complex belching smoke and soot into the sky. Most of the snow is dyed dark grey. Benjy winces as the soot that blows his way stings his eyes. Coughing, Benjy backs up and wipes his eyes with his shirt, then snow, then his shirt again.
The MGBA tries again to create a shield with only minor success. Yami Benjy decides to forgo a full body shield and instead create goggles out of translucent energy around Benjy’s eyes. This is successful, as Benjy stands dumbstruck at the filthy landscape. Satolite is more or less unaffected by the horrible pollution.
New Scene()
In the power grid management center, (a windowless room illuminated only by red lights overhead) the elves in charge stare frantically at their instruments, mentioning to eachother that it’s a "class A blowout," and expressing disbelief that anything like it could have happened. One picks up the phone and starts to dial sector C.
Revert Scene()
Benjy stares at the broken fence and into the polluted snowy complex beyond.
Yami Benjy: Something’s wrong…
Benjy: There’s no way that was Santa Claus. Not with a hidden mess like this.
Satolite: Coo…
Benjy turns to Satolite.
Benjy: Can you lift me over?
Satolite: Coo…
Satolite flaps it’s wings to gain a tiny bit of altitude, then grabs Benjy with it’s tractor beam, lifting him over the downed fence, and dropping him a couple feet into the dirty snow on the other side. The snow isn’t very packed down, so Benjy falls a couple feet, before climbing out of the snowbank. Satolite lands on his head as he gets to more solid ground.
Slowly, Benjy crosses the dirty path in the snow towards the buildings looking back and forth as he walks to make sure no vehicles are coming. The fence blocks most of the blizzard, so Benjy is only slightly affected.
Yami Benjy: So, what do you think.
Benjy: I suppose I’d be angry at that guy if I wasn’t so confused…
Yami Benjy: You’re not angry at him?
Benjy: I didn’t say that. I’m not angry in general right now. Just horribly, horribly confused. Why would some guy drag us out here in the middle of… and how?
Benjy’s eyes stop glowing as strongly as he approaches one of the buildings.
Benjy: Looks like there’s no one here…
???: And what am I, chopped liver?
Benjy looks around wildly for where the voice is coming from. Satolite’s eyes seem to glow, then Satolite suddenly swoops off Benjy’s head, pouncing on something that squeaks. Benjy takes a step backwards, and Satolite lifts up, holding a rat in it’s tractor beam.
Rat: Hi there! This is the first time anyone’s ever made eye contact with me!
Benjy: A talking mouse?
Rat: I’m a rat, darn it!
Yami Benjy: I’ve never seen a talking rat…
Benjy: Neither have I…
Rat: What are you staring at?!?!
Benjy: I’ve never seen a rat capable of human speech, that’s all.
The MGBA glows and Yami Benjy projects himself.
Yami Benjy: Rat…
Rat: You’re wondering how I can talk are you? It’s the magic of christmas of course!
Benjy: Stop it! Stop it! You’re making me stupid…
Rat: Why does everyone say that whenever I say something. "Oh stop it Ratbert, you’re making me stupid!" EVERY SINGLE ZARKING TIME!
Ratbert hangs limp is Satolite’s tractor beam.
Benjy: Ratbert, you haven’t caught on?!
Rat → Ratbert: Holy florescent lights above, how do you know my name?!
Yami Benjy: Is it just me, or did the IQ of this area just drop significantly
Ratbert: Are you psychic?! I submit to your ways, oh great psychic overlord of the yellow shirt.
As he says this, Ratbert attempts to bow to Benjy, but looses his balance, and accentually sees Satolite above him. This naturally causes him to freak out, startling Satolite too. Benjy quickly removes the traumatized rat from the tractor beam, and Ratbert bows down to him again, calling him a merciful overlord.
Benjy: So what is this place?
Ratbert: This is magic toy factory, where fun itself is manufactured, great master.
Benjy: Someone’s been brainwashed by PR.
Ratbert: Let me show you around!
Ratbert hops off of Benjy’s hands and beckons to him to follow.
Ratbert: That trash can is my home, it’s always nice and warm.
Benjy glances at the trash can and stumbles backwards away from it, realizing that it is, indeed, nice and warm. A radioactive material warning sticker is on the can. Upon seeing this Benjy quickly steps backwards.
Yami Benjy: So maybe that’s why he can talk…?
Benjy: Makes as much sense as anything here.
Ratbert calls out to Benjy to follow him, which Benjy does, as they walk along the outside of the building. Moving around the outside of the building, Ratbert shivers.
Ratbert: It’s times like these I like to warm myself in the nearby carbon monoxide vents.
Benjy: Vents?
Ratbert: Right up ahead, right there!
Ratbert runs up ahead to where an invisible gas is pouring out of the ground, and wags his butt over the grate.
Ratbert: What are you waiting for? Come on!
Benjy: I’m, um, allergic to carbon monoxide.
Ratbert: But I need to introduce you to Cookoo!
Benjy: Cookoo?
Ratbert: She’s up there in her little cage. She’s a very good listener, never says anything.
Still keeping his distance from the carbon monoxide grate, Benjy visually scans the area for what Ratbert is talking about. His gaze quickly falls on a canary in a cage a few feet above Ratbert. The canary is very, very dead.
Benjy: She’s dead, Ratbert.
Ratbert: Dead?! Oh woe is me! My love, forever out of reach! What slew thee, my love, I will avenge you!
Benjy: It’s the gas coming out the vent you’re on.
Ratbert: Don’t be silly, human. There hasn’t been a single study done ever showing that carbon monoxide is a dangerous gas.
Narrator: Please be aware Ratbert is not a reliable source of information for real life situations. Carbon monoxide is highly toxic.
As the narrator says this, a shadow sneaks up on Ratbert, managing to scare him off of the grate. Little does he realize that the shadow is cast by Benjy’s hand. Fearing for his life, Ratbert runs back to Benjy and hugs his leg.
Ratbert: That shadow! Did you see it?
Benjy: It’s a manifestation of the carbon monoxide gas.
Ratbert: Oh really, then we’re safe then.
Ratbert starts walking towards the carbon monoxide vent again, but Benjy scoops him up.
Benjy: Can we go somewhere else.
Ratbert: Okay…
Refresh Scene()
Ratbert and Benjy continue on, with now the carbon monoxide grate only seen in the distance, walking around the perimeter of the complex.
Yami Benjy: So tell me about this Santa Claus character.
Benjy: Santa Claus is based off of a man named Saint Nicholas, who lived hundreds of years ago. Anyway, according to the legend he has a workshop at the north pole where his elves make toys which he distributes to the "good" children of the planet in one single night. Of course, this isn’t true, but many parents use it to try to use it to get their children to behave.
Ratbert: So first stop on your tour, if you look to the left you’ll see Santa’s world-famous coal mine!
Benjy turns and stares at the mine entrance about 20 yards away. In the distance is a giant smokestack spewing thick black smoke into the sky.
Ratbert: This is where they get the coal to give you, if you’re bad.
The MGBA glows and Yami Benjy projects himself, startling Ratbert.
Ratbert: G-ghost!
Yami Benjy: May I ask you a question?
Ratbert: S-sure! Ask away?
Yami Benjy: What happens when they run out of coal?
Ratbert: Can’t run out of coal. Nope, it’s impossible. Coal is a 100 percent renewable resource. Completely–
Benjy: I’m going to stop you right there. I get that they have enough coal, they have enough to burn it for fuel.
Ratbert: They burn my precious coal?!
Benjy: That’s what that black smoke is. Burning coal.
Yami Benjy: Benjy! Someone’s coming!
Benjy looks down the path a ways, and suddenly sees a car zoom into view. Benjy has just enough time to leap aside into a snow bank as the car zooms past, spraying the snow bank with a nasty smog from it’s tailpipe. After the car passes, Benjy coughs on the exhaust.
Elf: Hey you! Get back to work before the boss finds out!
As Benjy looks up a screwdriver comes flying straight at him. The MGBA generates a shield and the screwdriver bounces off harmlessly. Benjy now gets to his feet, picking up Ratbert and watches the car leave.
Benjy: What the…
Seeing Benjy’s reaction, Ratbert suggests that they check out the beautiful lake up ahead, which he calls the most beautiful lake in the entire realm of snow. Benjy asks about the realm of snow, and Ratbert explains where he is, in an entirely different dimension.
New Scene()
Benjy pushes past a few pipes and emerges on the banks of a horribly polluted lake. A pipe above him moves, and Benjy steps aside in time to avoid being splattered with what looks like raw sewage. Taking a look at the lake, Benjy holds his nose.
Ratbert: Isn’t it lovely?
Benjy: Maybe to a rat… <nose pinched>
Refresh Scene()
Benjy and Ratbert move along the lake’s edge, Satolite is still riding on Benjy’s head, but displays that it’s put off by the lake. As Benjy walks, the lake water corrodes the ground at the very edge of the lake emitting toxic fumes, which Satolite tries to fan away with it’s left wing.
Benjy: And what’s inside the buildings?
Ratbert: That’s where all the christmas magic happens!
Benjy: I somehow doubt that.
New Scene()
Benjy approaches pushes past some pipes and into an alleyway between two buildings, both pumping toxic waste both into the lake and into the sky. Benjy approaches one of the doors, and slowly turns the nob.
Ratbert: Now to get some of that–
A large puff of smoke blasts out, striking Ratbert and making him cough. Yami Benjy now adjusts the shield to cover all of Benjy’s head as Benjy opens the door the rest of the way, letting more toxic smoke out of the building. Slowly, Benjy begins to make his way into the dimly lit, smokey room, using the provided shield as a gas mask. Benjy considers putting Ratbert inside the shield, but Ratbert is perfectly happy on the counter, where he walks across it, dragging his tail through the grime.
Ratbert: Hey you!
Benjy approaches Ratbert.
Ratbert: Get back to work!
Something stirs in the grime and soot, which upon closer inspection Benjy discovers is an elf-girl. Her bright blue eyes shine through the soot. Ratbert reaches over to smack the girl’s eye, but Benjy quickly grabs him away.
Ratbert: She’s not making toys!
The elf sits bolt upright.
Benjy: Well, no, she’s not.
The elf leans to the side of her chair opposite Benjy panting.
Ratbert: She needs to make more toys.
Benjy: What she needs is a doctor.
The elf starts to say "thank you," but slides off of her chair, hitting her head on the ground. The gleam in the elf’s eyes fades as she hits her head. Quickly, Benjy moves the chair out of the way and bends down to take her pulse. Upon touching the elf, Benjy recoils.
Yami Benjy: She’s dead, Jim.
Benjy takes a step backwards nervously.
Yami Benjy: With elves, the gleam in their eyes tells you whether or not they’re alive. Benjy…
Benjy is now trembling, not quite sure what to do.
Benjy: My name is Benjy…
Yami Benjy: Benjy…
Benjy: She’s all yours.
A golden light pierces the darkness, as the Millennium Gameboy Advance is glowing brightly. Yami Benjy gently bends down and examines the dead elf girl’s name tag.
Yami Benjy: Alowin… She only has one arm.
Yami Benjy turns as Ratbert kicks the dead elf.
Ratbert: You should be making more toys!!
Yami Benjy: Ratbert, she’s dead.
Ratbert kicks the elf a couple more times.
Ratbert: Yeah, well if I kick her enough she’ll come back to life and make more toys! I know she will!
Yami Benjy: If it only worked like that… You, my friend, are an irredeemable imbecile.
Ratbert: Thank you.
Ratbert turns his attention to the dead elf.
Ratbert: You hear that buddy? Don’t you dare ignore the orders of a certified imbecile.
Yami Benjy: I keep thinking that this adventure is a metaphor for something bigger… But what could it be?
Leaving Ratbert to kick the dead elf, Yami Benjy carefully walks down the sooty corridor, past another, much older, elf who is also dead, and past a very dead canary.
Yami Benjy: Anyone alive in there?
Someone panics and Yami Benjy rushes forwards discovering another elf, who mistakes him for Santa Claus. As the elf begs for mercy, Yami Benjy realizes that the elf can’t see. As Yami Benjy tries to explain who he is, lights go on as other elves try and see who he is in the sooty, grimy room.
New Scene()
Inside of Santa’s workshop, Santa paces the area nervously.
Brock: Maybe we could help with that instead of making toys?
Santa: No, no, no. It’s highly technical work, best left to the elves. Plus, it’s their incompetence that caused this mess in the first place.
Santa looks over at the phone nervously.
Ash: This is taking forever…
Santa turns to one of the elves that’s working with him, and asks him what’s going on. The elf dials hurriedly while Santa taps his foot next to him.
Santa: What’s going on?
Elf: Fence blew down. Sector C8.
Max: I’m bored…
Brock: I guess much to do here without power.
Santa: Nonsense! All you have to do is get creative!
#Reference to the video: Don’t Hug Me, I’m Scared
Santa escorts Ash and company to a workbench where toys and begins to show them how to make their own toys out of the materials available (plastic).
Revert Scene()
In the smoke-filled room, Yami Benjy grabs a poké ball and with a flash of light does something to it. Then he helps a young elf into the poké ball, leaving only the elder elf in the smoky room. Yami Benjy holds out his hand to help the elf, but the elf shakes his head.
Old Elf: No, I couldn’t. I have a promise to keep.
Yami Benjy: Promise to who?
Old Elf: A promise to the one who died just now, the one your rat friend is still whacking with his tail.
Yami Benjy cringes.
Old Elf: Relax, my child. The promise is my burden, not yours.
Slowly the old elf extends a finger towards Yami Benjy’s forehead and Yami Benjy pulls away.
Old Elf: Don’t be afraid. If you’re trying to save everyone one at a time, use this.
The old elf jabs his finger forwards pushing on Yami Benjy’s brow. Yami Benjy’s vision goes blurry, then reconfigures.
Old Elf: It’s an ancient gift my child. For the next few minutes, it’ll let you see the way to those still living, so you don’t waste your energy on the dead.
The elf now grabs a strange weapon out from under the table and stands up.
Old Elf: I won’t make the same mistake twice in a row. I don’t care why you’re doing this, but I wish you the best of luck.
The old elf now turns and walks out towards the door that Yami Benjy came in through.
Yami Benjy: Save all of them… I will, my old man.
Benjy: How?
Yami Benjy: You’ll see.
Revert Scene()
Ash and company are now serenely trying to build things out of the plastic. The sharp plastic cuts Ash’s finger and Santa offers him a band-aid, but the cut is pretty deep and Ash’s is bleeding pretty badly. Brock worries about the injury, but Santa dismisses it, and Ash and company get back to work. As Santa supervises, he sees that May is using blue plastic, and narrows his eyes.
In a quick motion, Santa snatches the plastic away from her and throws it away. Max: What did you do that for?
Santa: Ho ho ho! Blue is not a creative color.
#Reference to the video: Don’t Hug Me, I’m Scared
Santa: Now what in my name is going on out there?
Santa’s pager buzzes, and he looks at it, then excuses himself from the room.
New Scene()
Yami Benjy climbs up a flight of stairs, eyes intent on a yellow object. He arrives in a smokey room, and looks around. In his field of vision, one of the yellow spheres in the soot disappears. Yami Benjy sees the other, in an elf lying unconscious on the floor.
Yami Benjy: Strandem mikki. Tesserem mimitat leloke mia…
The elf fizzes, but fails to teleport.
Benjy: What was that?
Yami Benjy: That elf gave me a spell to use. But something’s blocking it…
Yami Benjy: Satolite!
Satolite shakes some grime off itself, and picks up the unconscious elf in it’s tractor beam, and flies back into it’s (great) ball. Yami Benjy looks up out the window, and suddenly an alarm sounds.
Yami Benjy: Did we?
Suddenly iron bars come down in front of the windows, and the windows lock themselves. Something moves down below them, and Yami Benjy hesitates due to the mounting tension. Yami Benjy grasps Celebi’s poké ball, calling on it and making a barrier around it. A nasally voice on the floor below calls up the stairs.
Voice: Surrender! Resistance is useless!
Yami Benjy: Who are you?
Voice: Don’t play stupid! Who do you think I am?
The creature now sees Celebi!
Voice: Hey! No magic!
In the sooty darkness, the creature pulls out and begins to charge a laser gun.
Yami Benjy: Psychic now!
Celebi fires a psychic blast down the stairs, disturbing soot and making whatever is at the bottom scream as the laser discharges. Yami Benjy tells Celebi to use psychic on the bars, and Celebi looks at Yami Benjy expectantly.
Yami Benjy: Fine, rip the wall off.
New Scene()
Outside the room, the wall falls off the building revealing Celebi and Yami Benjy. As the wall crashes into the alley below, Yami Benjy jumps across to the roof of another building, where another alarm is sounding.
Yami Benjy: What was the old elf trying to say… What’s that noise.
Yami Benjy and Celebi peer over the edge of the roof to see three ugly green creatures driving zambonies straight towards… Yami Benjy peers further around the corner almost falling over to glimpse the old elf striding to meet them, with a battlestaff bared. Suddenly a voice permeates Yami Benjy’s mind.
Old Elf: You now realize that the entire area is under magic cancelation, save for the magic of that old geezer.
Yami Benjy scoots back onto the ledge.
Old Elf: I sensed you tried my teleport.
Yami Benjy: What did he do to my head?!
Old Elf: And don’t worry about me. Destroy that jammer and the fight will be over quickly!
New Scene()
Ash and company have now gotten bored playing with toys and are looking out the window. Ash wonders what the elf is doing in front of the zambonies, and May wonders what are the creatures that are driving them. They all shiver and feel a draft as the other elves in the building all rush somewhere outside.
(The camera now zooms out through the window) The creature now drives it’s zambonie directly at the elf, forcing him backwards. This happens a couple of times, the creature (a vogon) charges his zambonie forwards. The elf also rushes forwards onto the zambonie, striking at the creature several times by twirling his staff, allthewhile dodging cannon-fire from the other zambonies. This lasts for a few seconds before a powerful spell strikes him and knocks him into a polluted snowbank.
Staring down at the elf from the stairs leading down from his workshop stands Santa Claus, a candy-cane staff in hand.
Santa: You better not be doing what I think you’re doing. If so then it’s right back to the coal mine for you. So, don’t lie to me, what were you–
Yami Benjy: Hey ugly! Pick on someone your own power level.
Old Elf: You mustn't get distracted! Break the jammer!
Yami Benjy: Sorry, but I’m a little too angry to come at him any other way.
Yami Benjy: Celebi, psychic!
Celebi fires a psychic blast at Santa, which hits the snow and explodes, although Santa only takes minor damage from a magical barrier. Santa now turns his attention and fires a fireball from his staff at Yami Benjy, who jumps off of the roof into the alleyway to dodge the attack, and then sprints at Santa.
Meanwhile, the zambonies lock their cannon’s on the injured elf, but as they prepare to fire, the old elf jumps back in action and out of the way. Returning to Yami Benjy’s charge, Santa shoots another fireball at him. Moments before the fireball hits, Yami Benjy disappears.
Rather than focus on what’s going on between the elf and his vogons, Santa chooses to focus on Yami Benjy’s absence.
Santa: Just where did he go…
Yami Benjy appears out of nowhere, along with Celebi, moments later.
Santa: Some cheap trick…
Yami Benjy: I see you’ve never heard of timetravel.
With a burst of speed and Celebi by his side, Yami Benjy again charges Santa, this time, emitting light from the Millennium Gameboy Advance that condenses around his hands into blade-mittens. Santa suddenly launches another fireball, and Yami Benjy avoids it again via Celebi’s timetravel, coming out of the attack without loosing velocity. Without time for another fireball, Santa is forced to use his staff defensively, blocking each of Yami Benjy’s blows in an amazing display of swordsmanship.
(The following dialogue is during the battle)
Santa: It’s been over nine hundred years since I had a fight like this.
Yami Benjy: Glad I’m not one to disappoint.
Santa now knocks Yami Benjy backwards a little ways, and uses the opening to blast a fireball at him. Celebi time-travels him to avoid the blast, and when Yami Benjy re-emerges, Bayleef is at his side. Santa fires a fireball at Bayleef, but she dives under the snow to avoid the attack. Santa doesn’t get another chance to blast a fireball as he’s now forced to use his staff to keep Yami Benjy from slashing him to ribbons.
Santa: I guess I’m getting rather famous to be attracting time-travelers. What’s your name anyway? I need to know for your coffin.
Yami Benjy: They call me "Bond."
Santa: Bond…?
Yami Benjy: Short for James Bond.
Saying this, Yami Benjy strikes Santa across the shoulder with one of his blade-mittens, then quickly maneuvers to parry Santa’s staff in the crux of his blade-mitten. Santa chuckles, and Yami Benjy sees turns to see one of the zambonies has it’s cannon aimed on him. An instant later the cannon fires, knocking Yami Benjy to the ground. Santa wield his staff above Yami Benjy to stab him.
Santa: And now mister Bond, I expect you to…
As Santa prepares the stab, something leaps out of the snow, nabbing Santa’s pants as it darts off. Santa is knocked on the side, revealing that he’s wearing not underpants, but rather ladies’ panties. More upset about the theft of his pants than Yami Benjy, Santa tears off the icy ground after the white thing that emerged from the snow, which as the snow blows off, turns out to be Bayleef. This gives him quite a workout, and forces him to dive to grab his pants back from Bayleef, resulting in a tug-of-war. Grabbing his staff, Santa starts to incant a spell.
Meanwhile the old elf defeats the vogon in the first zambonie by impaling the creature with his staff, and grabs the controls to the zambonie’s missile, swiveling it around to aim it at Santa, who is too preoccupied by the struggle over his pants to notice the missile until it almost hits him, and by then it’s too late. The missile strikes Santa, knocking him down and leaving Bayleef to prance daintily away carrying Santa’s pants.
New Scene()
Ratbert pops up next to Ash and company, and addresses them, asking what they’re doing. Max replies that they’re just waiting for Santa to get done fighting and make them toys. Ratbert chuckles and begins singing a song:
QST.Lyrical::startCustomMusic(using template$C01) {
➜ Ratbert: You kids, you look quite down;
With your big fat eyes and your big fat frown;
The world doesn’t have to be so gray;
Hey kids when your life is a mess;
When you’re feeling blue, when you’re in distress;
I know what can wipe the cold away;
Ash, May, Max, and Brock continue to try to assemble the toys despite the cuts on their hands.
All you have to do is–shove a potato up your rear!
➜ Max: A potato in my rear!?;
➜ Ratbert: Shove a ripe potato right into your favorite rear, it’s true;
➜ Brock: Say’s who?
➜ Ratbert: So true;
Once it’s in there your gloom will disappear;
The bad in the world is hard to hear;
When in your rear a potato cheers;
So, go and shove a potato up your rear;
Ash, May, Max, and Brock have now working more slowly.
➜ Ratbert: Shove a potato up your rear!
➜ Brock: I’d rather keep my rear clear;
➜ Ratbert: You will never be happy if you live your life in fear, it’s true;
➜ May: Say’s you;
➜ Ratbert: When it’s in the skies are bright and clear;
The sun shines right on this big blue sphere;
So go and shove a potato up your rear;
By now Ash, May, Max, and Brock have put the toys down, and are staring at Ratbert.
➜ Ratbert: Shove a potato up your rear;
➜ Brock: Thank you, but I’ll steer clear;
➜ Ratbert: All this hopeless misery is zapping away your cheer;
➜ Ash: Says you…
➜ Ratbert: And how true;
And the reason will soon be clear;
Right after you’ve had a beer;
Why you need to shove a potato up your rear.
All have begun to stand up and look around.
}
Ratbert does a little dance as the song finishes.
May: There goes another song you need to be drunk to understand.
Ash: Hey, there’s a battle going on outside!
Brock: Huh, what? Between who and who?
Ash and company rush outside the back door of the workshop to see Santa make a grab for his pants only to be hit with more cannon-fire.
Ash: Why does Benjy’s Bayleef have Santa’s pants?
Brock: And why does Santa wear panties?
Narrator: I don’t want to know.
In the distance they see Yami Benjy rush Santa Claus who barely grabs his staff in time to defend himself. As it is, Yami Benjy hits Santa’s staff at such an angle that it flies out of his hands and splashes, sinking in the polluted lake. Yami Benjy prepares a finishing slash for Santa, but an electric attack strikes in between them, knocking them apart. Both slide to a stop on the ice.
Ash: What the (bleep) are you doing?
Ash, May, Max, and Brock seem to be as shocked by the actions of both Yami Benjy and Santa Claus.
Yami Benjy: That’s a good question…
Santa Claus glares at Yami Benjy.
Santa Claus: I’m making toys! What do you think I’m doing?!
Yami Benjy: Causing massive damage in the process.
Yami Benjy gestures at all the pollution.
Brock: That’s pretty bad, but you should really talk things out…
May: Uh, Brock?
Brock turns to face hundreds of elves emerging from the factories in tattered rags, some coughing. Ash and Max shiver nervously. Now staffless, Santa tries to back away from everyone.
Santa: Uh-um… I can explain.
May: Nobody got time for that.
Santa makes a grab for his pants again, but Bayleef is too quick. Santa now gets up, and tries to run, but trips and falls in the snow.
Brock: He must have put us all under some kind of spell.
Cutscene() {
Ratbert has found a lever somewhere. Wondering what it does, he pulls it.
}
A loud crackling noise now reverberates as more elves emerge to confront a now defenseless Santa, some missing limbs. Ash stares down at his own bloody hands.
Santa Claus: Get back to the factories, or it’s–
Yami Benjy: Over!
Santa Claus: Exact-what?!
Yami Benjy is staring at Santa Claus angrily, blade-mittens ready. Ash stares at these, then looks down at his own hands.
Ash: My hands…
Ash: What happened to our hands? We were making–
Brock quickly states his hypothesis that the plastic that they were using must have been cutting into their hands.
Max: You make me sick!
Santa Claus: You want toys? Well, guess what somebody has to make them.
Brock: Then I think it’s clearly better that they don’t get made.
Blood drips from Ash’s hands onto the dirty snow.
Santa Claus: Well, you don’t get to make that decision!
May and Max seem dumbfounded.
May: I never knew…
Ash: Pikachu, thunder. (serious and angry)
The sound goes out, save for Pikachu’s thunder, which smashes into Santa, blackening him from the explosion, and causing Santa to roll a good ways, almost unconscious. The camera now zooms onto Santa’s finger, where a ring of life shatters, teleporting him away.
The old elf now makes two lightning-quick attacks, which appear to kill (or at least knock unconscious) the remaining two vogons, which fall out of their zambonies onto the ground.
Refresh Scene()
Ash and company stare nervously at all the injured elves crowding around them.
Brock: So if you guys can just teleport back home, can we?
Old Elf: You live on Fenyra, right?
May: Correct.
Old Elf: The Alienar that brought you here will soon be here to take you back.
Ash: Alienar? What are they?
Yami Benjy: Flying saucer things that come in the night.
Old Elf: And oh, look. They’re back already.
Brock: They are?
Ash and company look upwards, and white streaks cloud the camera.
[Your TV will flash white]
Ash and company vanish, and reappear in the clearing from where they first left, all in their sleeping bags. Ash looks up at the clear night sky.
Ash: I just had the strangest dream…
Ash feels something wet and looks down at the blood on his hands where the plastic had cut him. May, Max, and Brock else has blood on their hands too.
May: That was no dream.
Max: But that means…
Everyone just stares at each other, and glosses over Ciri who is sound asleep.
…///To Be Continued///…